Right Here On The Hardwood Floor
by ThePriceIsMeg
Summary: Maura comforts Jane after a nightmare.


Hoyt had done everything she ever feared and she had to watch it all, knowing Maura couldn't do a thing to defend herself, not even scream.

He wasn't content just to slice and violate and torture, that wasn't enough. He had to also poison Maura's mind right to the last second, hissing evil things into her ear, just loud enough for Jane to hear every other word, killing her at the same time without even coming near her.

The scream that woke Jane was her own.

She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and fumbling to clicking on the lamp on her nightstand. Nauseous, shaking, heart racing, t-shirt clinging with sweat. She stripped it off and flung it across the bed. Her bedroom seemed so starkly empty, even though it was supposed to be. Totally silent except for a wheezing whimper that took her a moment to identify as her own breathing.

This dream was not remotely a first, but it might have been the most graphic. She couldn't even catch a deep breath to try to calm down.

Rationally, she knew that Maura was safe, at home asleep. But as long as she couldn't see her, hear her, she didn't know for certain. Hearing her voice was the only thing that might loosen that icy grip around her chest.

Her phone lit up and she saw it was just past 4. She really shouldn't wake Maura up. She would only be calling because she already knew she would answer, she already knew she was okay. But what if this was some kind of weird premonition, what if something else bad was going to happen and she didn't do anything to stop-

"Jane? Are you okay?"

She blinked, half-surprised. She hadn't realized she'd already hit the 1 on her speed dial.

"Maura?" She hadn't been ready to use her voice yet, and it broke sharply like it was the first time she'd ever spoken.

"Are you alright?" that soft voice in the phone repeated.

She immediately felt stupid.

"I- y-yeah. I'm sorry I woke you up..."

"Did you have a dream?"

"Uh-huh. I just had to h-hear..." She murmured shakily as tears made the room go blurry. "Dumb. Sorry."

"It's fine, don't be sorry," Maura said. "You know I'm here anytime."

It meant more than she knew. Jane's chest heaved in a sob, but she caught it silently. "I know," she said, but no sound came out.

She had called Maura before on nights like these - only a small handful of times, only when it was really bad. She always picked up. Always talked her through it. Not about the dream - Jane never wanted to talk about the dream. Instead she'd talk about her day, run through a complete recipe for a French soufflé, or share her findings from the latest scientific article she'd read. That was the only time Jane let her talk endlessly about even the most boring things on earth, with no intention of cutting her off, because she just wanted to hear her voice. Sometimes she just stayed on the line quietly, and even that helped, just knowing Maura was there, laying on the pillow next to her in phone form.

"Would you like me to come over?"

"N-no. No. I'm okay." She forced in an odd, high, strangled version of her voice. She was sure it wasn't fooling Maura one bit, but it didn't matter. "I didn't even mean to bother you... thanks. Thanks, Maur, sorry."

"You aren't bothering me."

Maura said something else, but it was hard to pay attention. Her stomach was still churning.

"I'm...s.."

Jane knew it was just a dream, she knew Maura was fine, but that didn't make the images any less visible in her head. She still felt like she might be sick.

She pulled her feet free of the quilt and climbed out of bed, white static instantly beginning to fill her head. Refusing to risk making a mess, she shuffled briskly towards the bathroom, forgetting she was still clutching the phone, needing the hand for balance. Now her skin was freezing cold and her vision pure snow. She listed sideways, one foot snagged on the other and she was unconscious before her head thunked against the wall.

* * *

Blurry colors took a minute to form into a face.

"Maur?" she groaned.

"Hi." The squeeze on her hand was soft, matching the eyes that greeted her.

"How'd..." Jane frowned, wondering why the ceiling was behind Maura. "Crap, what... must have..." she mumbled, embarrassed. The idea had been to _avoid_ making a dramatic scene.

"It's okay. You've got a bump on your head. I was about to go get something cold to help the swelling."

Unknowingly, Jane tightened her grip faintly. "I don't care about swelling. How long have..."

"I've only been here a minute. I came as fast as I could. You scared me," she smiled gently.

"Sorry," Jane mouthed.

"Well, now that I know you don't have a spinal injury, at least have a pillow," Maura offered, pulling one from the floor next to her, which she must have grabbed from the bed earlier.

"I don't need... I can get up-" Jane began to pull forward, just now feeling that her quilt was on top of her, and remembering she was only wearing underwear.

"No, no." Maura slid the pillow underneath and eased her back down. "Just rest. Rest for a minute."

Protesting would take strength she didn't have, and she'd probably get a lecture about concussions. The pillow was so much more comfortable.

"What'd you hit your head on?" Maura asked gently.

"Dunno. Floor, I guess, I was just walking and I... ran out of s-steam." At least she wasn't nauseous anymore. Not _as_ nauseous.

"Probably stress combined with orthostatic hypotension."

Jane's eyes fixed on hers, knowing Maura already knew the face she'd be making if she felt up to it.

"You got lightheaded from standing up too fast," she clarified.

"_Guhh_, I feel like such an idiot," Jane rasped weakly. "I didn't mean to even wake you up in the first place. I thought I was only thinking about dialing..."

"You're not an idiot. I'm glad you called. That's what we have each other for."

Jane didn't realize tears had started welling up until they were way beyond concealing.

"Thanks for coming." When she smiled, one spilled down and tickled her ear.

"Any time."

As her mind was coming fully back, so were the pictures. Of Maura's face totally blank but still registering terror, of dark red staining her throat. The sound of that electric crackle and cloth seams ripping and the creak of a hospital bed. Right now it was hard to remember which parts had happened and which parts she had dreamed.

She clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering. Her body was rigid and shaking with chills that weren't caused by cold, that couldn't be cured by a whole pile of blankets. Maura's hand still held hers, and she focused all her attention on it, willing it to keep steady, but it wouldn't listen.

"Ignore that," Jane said uncomfortably, avoiding her eyes.

"I know it's involuntary. That's your autonomic nervous system." Her thumb stroked back and forth over Jane's hand, over the scar. Anyone else would be swatted away for touching it, but Maura was allowed because she had a scar of her own, cut from the same weapon. Much as she hated for this to be one of the bonds they shared, it was one that made her feel closer to Maura than anyone.

"I can't make it stop."

"You don't have to try. You don't have to explain." Maura's hand settled over her clammy forehead, smoothing back unruly dark hair. "It's okay. You don't have to get up, you don't have to move, you don't have to talk. You can close your eyes, if you want to."

That voice was so quiet and smooth and comforting. Jane's throat ached from squeezing in on itself.

"It's okay if you cry. Or sleep. Whatever you feel like. I'm not waiting for anything. I'm just here."

Calm fingers never stopped making slow, identical strokes over her hairline, from her eyebrows to the top of her head. Mesmerizing and soothing.

She gave up and allowed hard, silent sobs to wrack her body and curl her shoulders up off the ground.

When just hands weren't enough Maura moved, laying down on the floor next to Jane, collecting her in her arms, quilt and all, stilling the tremors that Jane couldn't.

"It was only a dream," she whispered. "It's okay. You're safe. You're home. He can't hurt you."

"Wasn't me," Jane murmured. "S'never me."

Since that day at the prison, she'd never had a nightmare where Hoyt hurt _her_. It was always Maura.

She pulled her arms out from the quilt and wrapped them around Maura, needing to hold her more than she needed to be held. Being protected was no help now, only protect_ing_ made her feel better. Maura understood why.

"I'm here. I'm safe. We're both safe."

Quiet minutes passed.

"What if I didn't win," Jane whispered.

"What?"

"He got in my head. He's dead and he can st-till do this to me," she stammered. She would go months without a nightmare, and then totally out of the blue one would take her right back to that moment, undo all her progress. The fear would be brand new, and the scars she thought had healed would itch like they still bled. Like he was still right there. "You remember, he said he... he was gonna kill me... ps-sychically."

"Do you know _how_ he was going to kill you psychically? By getting you to believe that he did. You might feel like that right now because you're scared, and that's okay, but you know it's not really true. He might have scared you, he might have hurt you, but he couldn't kill you. Not your body, not your mind. You killed _him_. You won. He can't do anything more to hurt you, or me, or anybody ever again. He's gone. He doesn't have any control over you. He can't do anything more." Her hand traced slow circles on Jane's back as she spoke.

"He doesn't have to do anything more... it doesn't matter that he's dead. It's what he already did..."

"It's only what he _could_ have done. It's okay to be upset thinking about what could have happened, but it didn't really happen. You stopped it. We're both here, safe, because of you. It's over and you beat him. You beat him every time."

"No I didn't. Not even the first time. I had to be... _rescued_."

"But you didn't break. _That_ beat him. Everyone else cracked, but not you. That's why he considered you his worthy opponent. He picked the wrong person to mess with, he knew he picked somebody stronger than him. You were a challenge. You bothered him. That's why he kept coming after you, because he meant to get in your head, but instead y_ou_ got in _his_."

Jane took a ragged breath, blinking out tears that had stopped flowing and cooled on her lashes.

"This is not his doing. It's not him. It's just the _memory._ And you can beat that every time, too, because you already beat the real thing. Don't give up now, when you've already won. I know you won't. You never give up, you're too strong. You're a badass."

A feeble sniff of laughter came from Jane's nose. Badass was the last thing she expected to be called after passing out and sobbing in a heap on the floor.

"Jane, will you tell me something... when he came after you alone, you fought him off. But when he came after me, you killed him...

"Mm-hmm."

"Did you kill him, instead of just fighting him off, because of me?"

Jane bit her lip. She'd already regretted not killing Hoyt before. But she couldn't have gotten up off that bed to fight in the first place. Not alone. Maura was what fueled her, put power back into limbs that had been paralyzed with fear. She'd dragged Maura into her worst nightmare, gotten her tortured, almost raped and murdered. That was unacceptable. Never should have happened in the first place, and the possibility of it happening again was simply not an option. Fighting him off wasn't enough, this time. Case closed.

She swallowed, not wanting to say yes, even though that was the answer.

"I got up because of you. Without you... I think I'd be dead now."

Somehow Maura was the power, the antidote all along, even before they were the closest of friends, even before she met Hoyt. It was Maura she went to when she was afraid of Hoyt attacking her. It was Maura who came to be with her after he _did_ attack her. It was only Maura who helped ever since.

"I don't think so," Maura disagreed. "I know you could have done it alone. But if I helped, I'm glad I was there. And if I help with the memory, then I want to be here every time."

Jane started to cry again, but it was a different kind than before.

"You're..." She was trying to pay a compliment, but couldn't choose which one, and then it was too hard to breathe, let alone speak.

She wasn't even sure which emotion was making her cry, maybe it was all of them, or maybe it was just emotion itself. Maybe she was just crying because this was the safest she'd ever felt _to_ cry. Because Maura was her safe place. The only one who understood. The only one who'd seen this same horror film, just shot from a different angle. She wouldn't think less of her, she wouldn't tease, she wouldn't tell.

Dawn would be on its way soon, and Maura wasn't going back to her own house. She wasn't even going to slip away and finish out the night on the bed to save herself from a sore back. She was going to sleep here, sharing a pillow and quilt right here on the hardwood floor in the bedroom doorway, just to stay in Jane's arms. Just to absorb her tears. Just to let cold, trembling fingers touch her throat as often as they wanted, making sure it was still warm and intact and pulsing with life.

"Thanks, Maur," Jane breathed into her hair, exhausted and grateful.

Another late night was finally ending.

Again, a monster was only a memory.

Again, clenching muscles were relaxed; flowing tears were only flecks on her cheek; stinging wounds felt healed.

Again, Maura was to thank.

Again, Jane fell asleep with an _I love you_ on the tip of her tongue.


End file.
